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Nature is full of seduction tactics, from diplomatic nymphomania to bonobo chimpanzees, to the non-existent libido to panda bears. But you already knew that. I made a selection of the most dubious rituals, to understand that life and nature are much more dubious than your spiritual believer would like you to believe.
The boy knows the girl and the girl eats him alive
We will start the list with sexual cannibalism, the death metal equivalent of mating rituals. This habit is common in spiders and nuns and implies that the female consumes the male before, during or after intercourse. Usually, the purpose is to produce nutrients for the offspring, but there are all kinds of ritual variations. For example, there are cases in which females lie to men about their macabre intentions.
Although females are usually sexual cannibals, some males of the wolf spider species have devoured older females of the same species because they have lost their reproductive capacity. The youth of today has no respect for the elderly, even in the case of wolf spiders.
In fact, sexual cannibalism is not the only custom where sex and death are inextricably linked. The antechinus marsupial mouse has reached a bombastic sex life, in which males mate only once in their life, but pull hard during that period. They have sex with any female around for several weeks, and each sex match lasts 14 hours.
This big bang breeding approach is so intensive that the males disintegrate to the end and die from exhaustion. It is the natural equivalent of sex death in Futurama.
It’s a bizarre parable in Malleus Maleficarum, the insane witch persecution guide, in which we talk about extirpated penises nestling beneath charms. I don’t know what that patriarchal fantasy came up with, but it looks like detachable penises aren’t that rare in nature.
Male wasp spiders, for example, are known to castrate themselves during sex, to clog the female’s genitals, not to pay attention to other males. The bees’ genitals explode inside the female, hence the term “sexual suicide.”
The most impressive detachable member belongs to the species Argonauta argo. It develops under the eye of the octopus and explodes, as Athens exploded from the head of Zeus, leading to her death. Then he swims by his head, until he clings to the female and fertilizes her eggs. Strange? Yes. Frightening? Obvious. Cool? A little.Excessive lover to attach
There is a lot to love about the fish-fish: its monstrous appearance, its bioluminescent bait, its extraterrestrial habitat, from the bottom of the sea. But the most dubious thing about these fish is their sex life, which is based on extreme sexual dimorphism. The male anglerfish is so small compared to females that scientists have thought they were parasites for decades, and in a way they really are.Fishbone Sexual Habits.Credit
Here’s the thing about them: the straight male follows a pheromone line left by the female and, when she finds it, she bites out of it and stays stuck by her flesh. Then, the male slowly melts into her body, connects to her blood vessels and lets her organs atrophy. Basically, it becomes a sperm pocket, a kind of incarnation of the song “2 Become 1” by Spice Girls. It’s doubtful as hell, but it fits in perfectly with these weird animals.
On the other side of the romantic codependency of the fish-nectarines, there is the “traumatic insemination”, a practice as dubious as you imagine. female with her lethal love limb, then ejaculates into her wounds.
The process is very damaging to the female, a fact that has created a debate among biologists, who do not understand why male bites are sex demons.
Unfortunately, lollipops are not the only psychotic lovers in nature. Water mosquitoes have a very cozy seduction technique, in which they attract females by jumping on the water’s surface. The absurd actions of the male intimidate the woman to sleep with him quickly, otherwise he risks getting into the belly of a fish.
Group sex as torture
The only thing scarier than the sadistic men above is what they would do if they worked together. A disturbingly large number of species use a packing mentality when it comes to breeding, and many are public favorites, such as dolphins, seals and ducks.
I’m going to focus on ducks here, because I’m the most perverse about this. The ducks are so sexually violent that the ducks have evolved some vixen-shaped vines to avoid being fertilized by the most aggressive of them. The odious ritual called “rape in flight” involves several rogues who post a female and chop her up until she has sex with them or dies.
The raptors are sexually assaulting each other and copulating with the ravings of the dead rapists. The fact that this pastoral and quiet bird has developed such a perverse reproduction ritual is one of nature’s greatest jokes.